You haf real bad case of Zachary Disease!!

A woman was very despondent over not having sex in quite some time. She was becoming agitated and worried that she might never find a mate. In hopes of finding a solution to her problem, she decided that it was time to see adoctor.

Looking through the phone book, she came upon a Chinese Sex Therapist named Dr. Chang. When the woman arrived at the doctor's office, she told him her symptoms.

"Take off all your crothes, an you crawl real fass away from me across the froor."

She did so and crawled to the other side of the room.

Dr. Changsaid, "Now...you crawl real fass back to me", and she did.

Dr. Chang shook his head and said, "You haf real bad case of ZacharyDisease...worse case I ever see! That why you haf sex probrem".

The woman was completely confused and asked the doctor what Zachary Disease was.

The doctor replied "Zachary Disease....that when your face look ZACHARY like your ass!"

An Eye-talian's Mississippi musings

Two Italian men, who were travelling in a bus, were engaged in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'.

Woman, they name is idiosyncrasy

Women don't mean what they say, and don't say what they mean. This has confounded the male species to such an extent that they have been wracking their brains to unravel the mystery called woman. Fortunately, here we have some pointers to what is on your woman's mind. A reader has sent this email which is a sort of 'how to' guide to understand your woman. Go ahead and have fun.

* We need = I want

* It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

* Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

* We need to talk = I need to complain

* Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to

* I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

* You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

* You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

* I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period

* Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

* This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

* I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

* I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

* Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

* I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

* Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

* How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

* I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

* Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

* You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

* Are you listening to me!? = (Too late, you're dead)

* Yes = No

* No = No

* Maybe = No

* I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

* Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

* Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep

* I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

* All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?