English well talking, here speeching American!!

Listening to English spoken by non-English speakers is a linguist's delight. A friend has sent this email which lists some of the hilarious ways the language has been put to use. Read on and you will jump in your chair with bellyaches of laughter

In a Tokyo hotel
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish restaurant
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop
Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly
There will be a Moscow exhibition of arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency
Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn
Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance
English well talking.
Here speeching American.