Shakespeare was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy words. Now our crack team of cunning linguists has translated a number of Shakespeare' s quotes into modern day English. It's about time we were all able to enjoy the wit and wisdom of this oddly groomed scribe.
The weakest kind of fruit drops earliest to the ground.
Translation: Only fight sissies.
Great floods have flown from simple sources.
Translation: Never have sex with your girlfriend during her period.
Is the jay more precious than the lark because his feathers are more beautiful?
Translation: Good-looking strippers get bigger tips.
I can express no kinder sign of love than this kind kiss.
Translation: First base is better than striking out altogether.
Men at some time are masters of their fate.
Translation: Get married and you're screwed.
They that thrive well take counsel of their friends.
Translation: If your drinking buddies say she's really a man, listen to them.
O, flatter me, for love delights in praises.
Translation: Honesty isn't necessarily the best policy when it comes to penis size.
The course of true love never did run smooth.
Translation: When dumping someone, always wear a protective cup.
I'll note you in my book of memory.
Translation: Don't expect me to call the day after.
Praising what is lost, makes the remembrance dear.
Translation: When you're telling your buddies about your conquests, exaggerate. A lot.
My endeavors have ever come too short of my desires.
Translation: You've never had twins and you never will. Get over it.
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